If you are 5 to 12 years old and your main circle isn't discussing leveraged buyouts, taking on unsurmountable debt, hog futures, and price arbitraging dark web vitamins, then its time to find a new circle. Your network is your networth. Ditch them and join us and sound intelligent and connected to all your cousins after joining this exclusive club. Premier members include your racist grandpa, two 11 year olds, and Trevor.

24 Leg NBA Parlays, 0DTE Options, mortgaged back securities, your little brothers Pokémon cards, inflationary shitcoins like the US dollar. If it trades on an exchange, we will cover it.

Who says money doesn't buy happiness. No one. And we are the unhappiest people on the internet. If there is a new way to be unhappier we will find and exploit it. Accelerate your unhappy life in the worst way possible. The options are almost limitless.

It's about to go parabolic lol

I once put down a 5unit bet on the 12 and under natl spelling bee while working a double shift at the local wendys. This was after staying up all night to profitasize on Thai boxing and Romanian basketball. We put the bet on the 11-1 underdog and he pulls away but blows the load in the later stage rounds. I rage quit threw the chocolate frosty at the drive thru window and that was when I realized this is what it takes to be a future fund manager in america.